the person I learned from this week
#AntiBullyingWeek - #Stopthebully
#Beingthankful for being in the right place at the right time.
What I learned:
Keep your kids close even in perceived safe places, step in if you see a child or anyone in need of help, teach your child to communicate their feelings and wants so they can express themselves in all situations, in a wrong situation...I did the right thing. Take the time to pay attention to your child - what you do today will make a difference tomorrow.
What we shared:
Hopefully a better awareness of parent responsibility, if a witness to #bullying step in and help because both the victim and #bully probably need it and even safe environments can be potentially dangerous.
Be aware. Teach your children.
#StoptheBully - #AntiBullyingWeek
(Please enjoy this repost)
Did you ever have one of those days that your behind? Well I do and they happen more often then not. Yesterday was one of those days. When I get behind I always try and remind myself that it is for a reason and to take a deep breath, relax, keep everything in perspective and I will get to where I am going and all will get done and be fine.
The unique thing about yesterday was that I kept having a nagging feeling that I was behind for a reason. I knew I would get to the park with my daughter, eventually, and we would have fun. But the nagging feeling lingered for the reason why we were 2 hours behind schedule.
When we got to the park it was busier than usual and then I remembered it was spring break for some schools. It was packed, but we settled in quickly and started enjoying the many activities the park has to offer. Since I have an only child it sometimes is sad for my daughter, no one to play with but me...she tends to get over it pretty quickly and I am a hands on mom so it is not unusual for me to be climbing on the jungle gyms, swinging or going down the slides. In all the craziness of the tons of children, I was able to sit back and observe between play areas the many parents that just let there kids run wild. I thought to myself, am I too over bearing and controlling of a mom to not let my child out of my sight? I thought again...NO, especially with the unsafe world around us. I never let her out of my sight or let her be too far for too long. But I noticed that many parents don't take the same approach I do and there were kids from toddlers and up that didn't have a parent watching closely.
As I watched my daughter make sand castles in the sand and observed the miscellaneous children coming up to play for a moment then move on, two kids came by me from around the slide. A boy of about 6 and a girl of about 5, he had her in a choke hold and was dragging her, pulling her hair, clothes anything he could to get her to move in the direction he wanted her to go. My first reaction was what is he doing??? Since I am not a quiet, sit back and watch kind of person, I quickly said, "What are you doing?" He ignored me and kept on doing it, pulling her hair, shoving her and she was screaming and crying as I told him to stop. He was in his own world and I frantically looked around for a mother of one of the kids...was this his sister? A friend? Were they strangers? Either way, since I was the only parent watching this obvious display of #bullying in a sea of 50 plus parents, I had to do something, regardless of the relationship. I knew I could not physically touch the children because of the world we live in, so I walked with them asking the boy to stop and telling him he was hurting the girl, it seemed like 20 minutes had gone by, but in reality it was probably only 3. He lessened his grip, finally, a mother came around the slide and I told her, the little boy is hurting the girl and he needs to stop. She quickly stepped in as I was so thankful that the parent had finally showed up to take responsibility of her child or (children). I am still not sure if she was the mother of both, but she did know both children. I heard her start to discipline the little boy and say something about the fact that when she asks her to get the little girl to leave, that he doesn't have to physically remove her from the play ground, but tell her it is time to go. I guess, I felt the mother should have been paying closer attention, so this little girls 3 plus minutes of torment would of not happened at all. Then it finally hit me, the reason for being behind yesterday, so I could be there for her exactly at the right place and right time to stop the #bullying of the little boy, the hair pulling, the tugging, the shoving, choking and pushing. I was really quite horrified and shaken up and then looked around and realized that no one else had even witnessed this except for me in a crowd of 100 plus people. Amazing to me, that people, are so much in their own world that they don't notice when their child could be in danger.
I am #thankful for timing and #thankful for being in the right place at the right time and #thankful for being a parent that stops and takes notice to: #Stopthebully in their tracks.
Have a good day and keep your kids close. You never know what may or may not happen even in a safe environment. All my best, Dyan
Be aware. Teach your children. #StoptheBully
Ok. So, we are now in our second month of school…starting to
get in a groove and settled in with the new school, routine, meeting new
friends and basically getting acclimated to first grade and our new school. Everything is going smooth, exactly how I like
it, (I can be a bit of a control freak).
Unfortunately, this week my daughter had a major melt down.
I was surprised as she had been telling me every day that she loves school, her
new friends, her teachers, etc.
It started with a bad dream. She woke me up about 1 hour before I had to
get up to get her ready for school. She
crawled in bed with my husband and I and we talked briefly about it and back to
sleep she went. All was fine, at least I
thought it was. She then woke up on her
own to start getting ready for school and she was sad and started crying and
telling me more about her dream. She
didn’t go into too much detail, but I realized that the dream had to do with me
picking her up after school and I wasn’t there…she was left all alone waiting
for me. She was sad and scared all at
the same time. We discussed dreams and
how it was just a dream and I would be there to pick her up as I had been every
day since school had started. She
seemed to be a bit better and time was clicking to get to school so, off to
school we went. Her tears had dried up
and she seemed fine, until we walked into school and the tears came, boy did
the come. I hadn’t seen her cry this
hard ever at school. I reassured her as
best as possible. I talked briefly with the teacher about the situation. Her teacher consoled her and she tried to be
brave and wiped off the remaining tears and walked into her classroom. I felt sad and quite frankly wanted to just take her out of
school for the day. But we all know that
is something we cannot do, otherwise it could become a habit that might be hard
I started to walk back to my car and ran into a friend of
mine who also has a daughter at the school. I told her what happened. We walked back to our cars and said goodbye. An hour later my friend called me and
suggested I come in to volunteer for lunch duty, (even though it wasn’t my day
to volunteer). She went on to tell me
that it would be a wonderful way for my daughter to know that I am there to
support her, be there for her and what a wonderful surprise it would be for
her. I had a million things to do that
day and did not really have the time to volunteer, but thought about what she
was telling me and realized that it really did make sense, a lot of sense and
she was absolutely right! I made the calls and verified it was ok for me
to come in and help out at lunch.
I arrived on time and waited for her class to come to the
lunch room. As her class filed into the
lunch room, she turned and saw me. Her
face lit up, it really lit up!! For that
one moment in time, I could see all the sadness and uncertainty turn into
happiness, peace and light. I was
soooooo happy that I had shared my morning with my friend and was soooooo happy
that I listened to her advice! This is
one of the reasons why I started this blog, for moms and friends to share with
each other ideas that work, REALLY work for their families and kids to make a
stronger family bond, community bond and relationships that are filled with
love, happiness and commitment.
friends getting together and sharing ideas about kids and life!
Even though a simple idea, I am not sure I would have
thought of doing it on my own. I am truly
grateful for my friend, because it made such a difference in my child’s day
that I wouldn’t have traded anything else in the world to have seen her day
brightened right before my very eyes.
Many wonderful benefits to this one. I also helped out the school in
volunteering. Today, make a difference
in your kids life. Be aware of their
needs, be there to support them in every way you can and hug them/love them as
much as possible. All of my best, Dyan
What I learned: That
it is possible to turn your kids melt downs into a positive experiences, sharing
your challenging times with friends can
always give you a new perspective to help strengthen your relationships within
your family and how much I value my friends and relationships because they help
me be a better mom.
What my child learned:
That she is not alone at school, I am there for her and care about her
feelings, I will be there to support her and how much mommy does love her.
I have two important couples in my life that are celebrating their long loving marriages. One is my dear friend of 30 plus years as she and her husband will celebrate 22 years of marriage this year. The unique thing I think about them is that they are only in their 40s. The other is my beloved in-laws, they will celebrate their lasting love for each other of 50 years!! The secret to both marriages I think...is taking the time to make the time for mommy daddy time. I guess at this point in their lives, neither are addressed by mommy or daddy anymore, but that is not the important point here. The important point is that both marriages have stayed together for many many years. When I ask them both and reflect on their love it is because they made each other a priority. Another thing they both have in common is that they traveled together. You might not be a traveler or have the money to do it, but if the opportunity arises or you are lucky enough to be able to travel, do it!
We all hear it, your children are born, make the time for each other, we all shake our heads and say we will, we will have date night, we will travel together, we will put the kids to bed early and just spend quality time together... just the two of us...but, how many of us actually do it?? I know I say it, I think it, I truly think I am going to do it. We plan the nights, get a sitter lined up, but we don't do it and when we do...it is not often enough! We in the end are only hurting ourselves, our chance of a long lasting marriage and the increased happiness of our family.
Whether your newly married with kids or been together with older kids. Take the time to make mommy daddy time. Only you can do it, make the effort, make the commitment and allow your selves the time you deserve together.
If you don't have the money for a sitter, let alone travel, put your kids to bed early and have a special date night at home. Have a separate dinner together, cuddle and watch a love story on tv, sit outside and enjoy the stars. There are still many options to spend time together with or without money. Find what works for you and take the time to make mommy daddy time. All of my best to you, Dyan
What I learned: That I don't take enough time to make mommy daddy time. I have made a commitment to myself, my marriage and my family to do this and will in turn have a longer happier marriage.
What I share: New experiences with my husband, learning new things about him and building a foundation of love to last a lifetime.
I would love to hear from you. Tell me how you work to make your marriage last. Or what new things you have incorporated into your daily lives together to take the time for mommy daddy time.
Trust in your child. I feel that this is a must for my relationship with my daughter. When we were picking up the balloons last week for Valentines Day my daughter asked to hold the whole bunch of 18 balloons. I told her she could, but she had to hold on super duper tight because if she didn't, they would all fly away. (I have learned to always tell the why after anything, my daughter responds better to explanations). I noticed another mother and her daughter observing us and our conversation. The daughter was about 11 years old. The mother said, "Wow! You have a lot of trust in your daughter." I replied, "Yes, I guess I do" (even though I had not given it much thought up to this point in the last 5 years). The mother told me that she didn't think that she would let her daughter hold them with fear of her letting go. I asked the daughter if she would let them go, she replied that she would. I asked at this age, or when you were 5, she laughed and told me both. I asked her why and she told me she would like to see them float away, because she thought they would look beautiful in the sky. I agreed that they would and we laughed. After I walked away, I thought about trust and my daughter and how important it will be the older she gets. Knowing this will be about more important things then holding the balloons. Even if she did let go of the balloons, it would of been ok. She didn't... but we would of survived the crisis.
What we learned: giving her the chance to hold the balloons was a more important choice - it made her feel good and that she was helping out, responsibility and trust.
What we shared: a lesson in trust with another mother daughter, teamwork, listening skills (I heard her when she told me she wanted to hold them, not only the physical part of her wanting to do it, but what it would mean to her) and a bonding moment with another mother and daughter.
Trust your child today. It will bring many rewards to both of you and your relationship will grow because of it. All my best to you, Dyan
I was shopping with my daughter and we stopped to look at shoes because the shoes she was wearing were bothering her. We started looking at the crocs and were discussing the colors out loud to each other. The lady next to us starting talking to us about crocs and what she thought of them. She pointed out the pink ones and commented on how cute they were and then pointed out the new mary jane style. At first, I was taken a back because we were in our own world and kind of in a hurry. I decided to take a step back and talk with her and hear her out. We discussed the shoes and how all the girl kids in her neighborhood were wearing them, how adorable the purple mary janes were with the pink rhinestone and how cute the pink ones were. Myself, this lady and daughter finally decided on the purple ones, because they fit the best and were very cute! Once the shoes were decided on we chatted for a couple more minutes and it turns out that she was a grandmother and had two sons and no grand kids yet or granddaughters. I could tell that she was so excited and elated to help out and then it hit me. It was because she never had girls of her own to pick shoes out for! We parted company and wished each other well. What we learned: Stop to make someones day and they will make yours ...stop, take a breath, smile...you never know what you can learn from a friendly grandma. What we shared: being polite, good manners and the love of new shoes!!
Happy day making! Dyan
As my daughter and I set out for some quality time to get ice cream (something I always did with my parents when I was young and still to this day some of my fondest memories), I was looking forward to spending some time with her just hanging out. We arrived at the ice cream shop and my daughter was eying all the flavors and asking for several samples, I started to get a bit impatient as she deliberated over a scoop of cotton candy and strawberry ice cream. The lady in line behind us noticed my impatience and kindly said a word to me regarding it, something to the effect of "Let her take her time mom, how exciting and colorful all those flavors are to her, how fun!" At first I was taken aback, but quickly realized she was right. After all, wasn't I there to spend quality time with her? Wasn't I there to enjoy a relaxing afternoon with my daughter? This total stranger was right! Why was I so impatient? We weren't in a hurry and I am sure that this is all part of the process of getting the perfect flavor, especially at her age. I quickly took a deep breath and relaxed and let her enjoy the process. She was thrilled when she tasted her decided flavor of cotton candy, (which she always chooses in the end). Who ever you are...thank you, (person I learned from this week). I appreciated the graceful step in with my daughter. We really enjoyed our "ice cream moment"! What I learned: Impatience is not a good quality to have, take the time to enjoy your time, showing your child that your patient will teach her patience, you can learn something valuable from a stranger and it could change your life - if you are open to it. What we shared: an amazing afternoon of incredible ice cream, conversation and a memory I won't forget.
Stop and take the time to enjoy the time you spend with your child. Now go and make some "ice cream moments." Dyan